New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
