and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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