Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
