Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
