The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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