Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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