What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
