I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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