So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
