How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
