Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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