i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Boobs are out for the taking
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
