Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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