I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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