Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
