He is an equal opportunity slut.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I am mentally ready for anal.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
