I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
