And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
