hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize