this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
