I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
