my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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