I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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