becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
