Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.

Fav 8 3479 1311
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(518): View more from New York

its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.

Fav 28 1522 6461
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(804): View more from Virginia

He likes Jesus. Game over.

(804): View more from Virginia

Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.

Fav 14 5221 1816
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

no more duck duck goose at the bar

Fav 6 2620 1143
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(720): View more from Colorado

Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!

Fav 11 1491 815
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(989): View more from Michigan

apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer

Fav 4 1256 734
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(602): View more from Arizona

I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.

Fav 3 411 600
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed

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