OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
