you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
