She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
