This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
