so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
