I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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