I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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