just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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