I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
