dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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