his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
