that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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