He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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