Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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