Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
