So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
