In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
