she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
