Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
