Don't you send me to vm
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
