LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
