Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
