He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
