How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
