i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
