Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he was CRYING into my vagina
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
