He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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