I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize