He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
