I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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