I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
