I'm really into asian looking animals
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
