Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
