I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
