Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
