How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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