the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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