New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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