she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
