i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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