I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
