He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
