I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
