I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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