Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
