I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
