I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize