Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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