Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
