have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
