yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
