Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
