I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
