I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
