Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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