Well apparently he's into motor boating.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
