I can tuck mytits in my pants
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize