mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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