dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I still have a little drunk in my system
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
