This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize