No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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