Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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