I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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