I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
