he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
