we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
