I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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