Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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