i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
