How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
