I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
