Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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