i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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